What If You Don't Want To Be Married Anymore?

Here are some ways you can bring back the "want to."

If you find yourself thinking, "I don't want to be married anymore," then this article is written for you.

Here, we explore various ways to rekindle the desire and improve the quality of your marriage.

I have 10 critical points for you to consider, ranging from the seemingly straightforward to more nuanced and impactful strategies.

So, let's walk through these transformative steps together to bring about a positive change in your marriage.

1. It’s Not Your Marriage AND Your Spouse - It’s JUST Your Spouse and You

Firstly, it's vital to shift your perspective from viewing the marriage as a separate entity to focusing on the bond between you and your partner.

Often, we mistakenly treat the marriage as a third party, as though it’s practically another person, filled with complexities and challenges, almost as if it's an uncontrollable force.

However, embracing a simpler view, where you see the marriage as simply the dynamic interaction between you and your spouse, can be incredibly beneficial.

Remember, it's about you and the person you love, working together, living together, and growing together.

It’s takes two.

2. Positive VS Negative Interactions

Secondly, consider the balance of positive versus negative experiences in your marriage.

If you are feeling that you don’t want to be married anymore, but you are open to seeing if things can improve, this is absolutely crucial.

It's common for couples to fall into a pattern of negative interactions, whether it's arguing, bickering, or discussing stressful topics like finances or child discipline.

However, research indicates that it takes at least 6 positive experiences to counteract a single negative one.

So I encourage you not to be careless or lazy when it comes to interactions with your spouse.

Don’t start fights or arguments.

Will they happen?

Probably, but try to stop them today.

Modern society has lied to us about having to “get things of our chest” or to speak our mind.

That’s only very rarely true.

Most of the time, the fight doesn’t provide the relief you hope for and only damages the connection between the two of you.

So forget what the talking heads say.

Avoid fighting, arguments, bickering, and yelling LIKE THE PLAGUE and watch your marriage and your “want to” improve.

Get my FREE mini-course to save your marriage!

Now for the other side of that coin.

Seek and create positive moments while minimizing the negative ones.

This can significantly enhance your marriage satisfaction to levels that might only be a dream right now.

3. Prioritizing Sexual Intimacy

Often dismissed as superficial, physical intimacy is, in fact, a fundamental aspect of a strong marital bond.

Regular, committed, enthusiastic sexual interaction will almost certainly lead to a deeper emotional connection and a greater sense of closeness with your partner.

Even if it doesn't feel like a priority at the moment, committing to this aspect of your relationship can have profound effects on your marital satisfaction and desire to stay married.

4. Where Is Your Focus?

Another crucial point is where you focus your attention.

In a marriage, it's important to concentrate on fulfilling your partner's needs and ensuring their happiness, just as they should do for you.

If this mutual focus has shifted, it may be time to reevaluate and recommit to prioritizing each other's well-being and happiness.

This might involve breaking old patterns and taking proactive steps to show care and affection.

Eliminating yelling and emotional outbursts is also key.

Verbal aggression can significantly damage the warmth and connection in your relationship.

It can destroy it. The end. Game over.

Committing to calm, respectful communication - really committing to it - can transform the emotional climate of your marriage, bringing a sense of partnership and support rather than conflict and antagonism.

5. Consider the Concept of a Classical Marriage

While not suitable for everyone, this approach involves clearly defined roles and responsibilities, which can simplify interactions and reduce conflict.

If you and your spouse are struggling with endless arguments and misunderstandings, discussing and potentially embracing aspects of a traditional marital structure might bring some peace and clarity.

In such a structure, the husband would be the provider and protector while the wife would be the homemaker and nurturer.

It’s where husband and wife serve each other in those ways.

So, the husband takes financial stability and protection off of the list of his wife and she takes maintaining the home off of his list and nurtures him.

They serve each other in those things.

I have a large list of quantifiable experiences of clients who tried this and not only saved their marriage, they revitalized it.

One described it as, “The return of romance.”

That has now become an expectation for me and my organization

Reinstating date night

6. Reinstating Date Night

Reinstating date night is another powerful strategy if you feel like you don’t want to be married any longer.

Dedicate a regular evening to focus solely on each other, whether it's going out for a nice meal or enjoying a quiet night in.

This dedicated time allows you to reconnect, enjoy each other's company, and strengthen your bond.

Ideally, men, you would plan the date night well ahead of time as the master of ceremony (of sorts).

It would be a special day where you just focus on each other.

7. Meet Each Other's Emotional Needs

Next, ensure you are both meeting each other’s emotional needs.

The fundamental needs of most married couples are (in no particular order):

Respect, affection, sexual fulfillment, financial stability, domestic support, recreational companionship, conversation, and honesty.

Men and women often pick different needs for themselves and it’s vital to know which of these are most important to your spouse.

8. Play Together

Engaging in hobbies and activities together, supporting each other's roles in the family, and spending quality time together can all contribute to meeting these needs and enhancing your connection.

If you don’t know what hobbies/activities you can do together, go to this page: Hobbies for married couples.

While there, select 20 out of the list that you are interested in and then have your spouse do the same.

From there, you simply see which ones you both have in common and start doing them regularly!

9. Gratitude Is A Super Power

The ninth point revolves around focusing on gratitude for your spouse and the positive aspects of your marriage.

Focusing on the positives, rather than dwelling on the negatives, can shift your perspective and improve your overall satisfaction with your relationship.

It can also create more warmth and connection.

Gratitude is at the very top concerning the healthiest and most stable mindset that you can have.

10. Keep It Simple

Finally, simplify your approach to the marriage.

Reduce unrealistic expectations and focus on creating small, positive experiences together.

By adjusting your outlook and simplifying your relationship goals, you can create a more relaxed, enjoyable, and sustainable marriage.

What will amaze you is that your feelings of happiness and peace will almost certainly increase substancially.

In conclusion, if you're struggling with the thought of not wanting to be married anymore, consider these insights.

Remember, it's about working together with your spouse to overcome challenges - not create them, and to create positive experiences in order to maintain a loving and supportive relationship.

And then you do it again the next day.

Your marriage is a journey, and with the right approach, you can rediscover the joy and commitment that brought you together in the first place.

Get my FREE mini-course to save your marriage!

Sincerely,